there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
