Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
