I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
