Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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