He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
