Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
