Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
