i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
