I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
