i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men