so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
