WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have a black eye again and dont know why again