She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out