i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
