Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
