Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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