The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
