I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
