I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Panties = found
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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