I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize