my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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