I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
