there's paper in my vomit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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