Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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