Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
