Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
