I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
