this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
