Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
