Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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