I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
