I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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