I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
