I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
