I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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