This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
