hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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