I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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