He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
