I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
