i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
