What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
