i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
