ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
