He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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