if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
