i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
