Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
