Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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It's never too late to be topless.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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