Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
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so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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