guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I want a musical about memes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
