So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We're too hungover to prance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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