just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
