my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize