I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
