Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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