there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
