Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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