Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
