Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
