i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
