Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are these your boobs on my camera?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
