Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My feet surprised me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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