wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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