My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
