I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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