i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
