I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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