Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
