smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
