I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
