Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
