i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
