lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
