We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
