One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
