i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
