i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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