um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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